If at first you don't succeed...skydiving is not for you.

Psych Humor...

 

"Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear."

 

 

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.

 

 

Once I had multiple personalities, but now we are feeling well.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

The best thing about being schizophrenic is that I'm never alone.

Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get you!

Hypochondria is the only illness that I don't have.

I've always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, I'd eat my M&M's one by one with a glass of water.

 

 

The Vet Bill

 

A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be L1000, please". "A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".

 

 

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...that's the best joke in the world...in my opinion. -

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A man was out one night drinking with some friends and kind of got in the mood. True to his wife, he just went home. When he got there his wife was sound asleep with her mouth open. he quietly went in to the bathroom, got two aspirins and put them in her mouth. Naturally she woke up choking and asked what he put in her mouth. Two aspirins he relpied, and she said " I don't have a headache", to which he said, "That's all I wanted to hear".

 

 

A horse walked into a bar. Bartender said, "Why the long face?"

 

 

 

 Create your own educational wiki!Help Add to Del.ici.ous Add to DiggPublic, not yet premium Privacy Policy RSS